Episode 38 - Facing Cancer as a Fire Family
In this episode, Lisa Corbett and her daughter Brianna (Bri) Corbett discuss their experiences as the family of a firefighter. They talk about the challenges of balancing family life with the unpredictable schedules, the support they received from the fire service community, and the impact of Captain Kevin Corbett's cancer diagnosis on their family. They also touch on the importance of community and accepting help during difficult times. The conversation highlights the need for open communication and the willingness to ask for help. The family reflects on the lessons they learned and the strength they gained from going through such a difficult experience. Listen to our previous episode (#37) for an in-depth discussion of Kevin's cancer journey.
Transcript
Peter
Welcome to the Firehouse Round Table Podcast, brought to you by the Ventura Fire Foundation. I'm one of your hosts. Peter McKenzie, retired fire captain with the city of Ventura Fire Department and my co-host Jason Kay, Active Battalion Chief with the City of Ventura. Fire department. We are going to bring awareness to real issues that face firefighters and their families. We want you to feel like you have a seat at the kitchen table, which every firefighter knows is the heart of the Firehouse. Let's get right into the episode. Alright, welcome to another episode of the Firehouse Roundtable. Again, we have Jeremy Henderson with us instead of Jason. So Jeremy, welcome. How are you doing?
Jeremy
I'm doing good. How you doing?
Peter
I'm good. I'm good. I'm uh, I'm looking forward to this particular show because as you know, we had Kevin on last episode and. Kind of came out of this. We were going to bring his family on and and get the truth behind all the things. He was telling us no, I'm kidding, but yeah.
Jeremy
They heard a lot of good things about the family and the support, and it meant a lot to them and obviously, you know, that's what carries through the fire services family. So I'd like to hear their perspective of, you know, not only what they went through, but what if life as a first responder, spouse and child.
Peter
Yeah, and it falls right in line with what we're doing like our whole focus is on the families and and the kids. And so I think it was a natural kind of progression. So yeah, let's let's invite Lisa Corbett and. And Kevin's daughter, Brianna Corbett, who apparently goes by Brie. So welcome to the show, guys.
Bri
Hi there. Thank you.
Peter
Yeah, we're excited to have you. We haven't had. We've only had one other child of a firefighter on the show, and that was a fascinating show. We got a lot of good feedback from it. So we're excited about bringing you on, Bree, but why don't we take a minute to have you guys introduce yourselves? Maybe. Lisa, you want to go first? Quick, introduce yourself to the listeners and. Then we. Kind of get into it.
Lisa
Sure. Well, Kevin and I have been married since 1998 and we have three kids. Brianna's the oldest, and then I have another daughter, Courtney. And my son Blake, who is 20. This month, I work in property management as a bookkeeper and. I love to hike and be outdoors.
Peter
Awesome. Awesome. Well, welcome to. The show. How about you?
Bri
Brie, I'm 24. I grew up in Ventura. But I moved to Nashville for school in 2017, and here I am. I'm still here. But yeah, I work in music. I'm a voice teacher and also a singer. I run a jazz band in town and I'm working on my own music too.
Peter
Is that is that what is that? What brought you to Nashville?
Bri
Oh, definitely, yeah. I people are like, why did you choose to go to that school? And I was like, well, you know what? I think I chose Nashville before I chose which school I was going to go to, I applied to a couple here. And it just it's been a good a good. Spot for me, I like it.
Peter
I assume country. It's country music. Is that what you're going? For not at all.
Bri
No.
Peter
Oh, interesting.
Jeremy
Is everything on that bill?
Bri
I actually went to school and studied classically, so I've done work with the Nashville Opera before in their course.
Peter
Not what I've expected, not what I.
Bri
How are you?
Peter
Would have the national. Well, cool. I so quick. Little personal note about me. My daughter is getting ready to go off to college. And so, like seeing someone that's obviously launched your, you're obviously just past school, but it's cool just to see, oh, their their daughter launched. She's living in Nashville, doing her thing like it's exciting for me. It's exciting. It's not very maybe exciting for everybody else, but.
Speaker
Exciting. No, it's.
Peter
As a father to see your kid like be productive and doing something, that's it's awesome. So good job.
Bri
Yeah, it's been a. It's been a like like kind of wild journey, but it's it's been really good.
Peter
Tell us a little bit about the rest of your siblings, who's back home or who I know.
Bri
There's more from from me. Courtney's sure. Where is Courtney? Not that's the question. No. When I moved to Nashville for school, Courtney and I aren't twins, but we're like the same. OK. Like we're like, barely, not Irish twins. OK, so we. We grew up in the same a lot of, yeah, we're 15 months apart, was a super close to manage, grew up with like all the same friends and we were home schooled in the beginning. Mom kept us home like Kay through halfway, like through third grade. I think people are like, how did you end up in the same grade because we graduated high school at the same time and have always been in the same classes. And I was like.
Peter
A lot of questions about that. Oh, OK.
Bri
Well, you know what is kindergarten for a home school? It's coloring pages. About like what? What? What would you take in your suitcase to Antarctica if you were going to go visit that place? Probably a coat. I don't know. Maybe a Polaroid camera. Like, that's what I remember from our kindergarten. All school days, Mom.
Lisa
That's my favorite part.
Bri
It was those were the coolest parts of the coloring page. Days about like where in the world do you want to go visit? And. What would you take with you? But yeah, when I moved to Nashville, she moved to Chicago and went to school up there. Graduated. She's she's brilliant. She's so smart and. Was working as a paralegal for a big law firm up there after she graduated as well. We graduated with our Bachelors in 2021 and then now she's been sort of taking a a gap year between when her contract at that law firm ended and before she is getting ready to head off to law school and the next like.
Speaker
Year and a.
Lisa
Half a year and a half so.
Peter
Ohh awesome.
Bri
Traveling, she's been vibing. I'm honestly, like, so jealous of her. She's so freaking cool, but she was, like, spent some time living in Scotland last year for a couple of months backpacking in Europe and is just getting ready. She got approved for a visa that will let her live in London for a while and be able to, like, get a job and work.
Peter
Awesome. And then there we have a son as well, right? How how old's your?
Lisa
Yeah.
Peter
Boy.
Lisa
So Blake will be 20 this month and he just finished a welding program, so he still lives at home and is trying to find a job in his field. Currently he's working in fabric. But not using welding yet.
Peter
Awesome. Awesome. So what's that? Yeah.
Jeremy
Shouldn't be too long for that one. Shouldn't be too long to find a. Job for that, that's yeah.
Lisa
Yeah, it's a. It's a little bit challenging in our area to find a job. There's a lot of jobs with, you know, one or two hour commute. But in Ventura, Oxnard, it's a little bit, a little bit trickier. So we'll
Peter
Gotcha. So I didn't really. I thought maybe we still had kids. Well, I guess he's at home, but he's definitely, but he's definitely not a a kid anymore. So look, sounds like you guys did a great job raising your your family, so kudos to you and Kevin for sure. Let's let's get into the story. So I I mean, just for context.
Lisa
He's at home, but. Now. Thank. Thank you.
Jeremy
I've got some questions actually for Lisa to start. So she's got a different perspective that most people don't have because Kevin was a police officer.
Peter
No, go for it.
Jeremy
And then went into fire. So I'm really curious on what that life changed was for you at home. First responders, a first responder. But police officer says are different than fire shifts. And I'm really curious on how that affected your life if, if at all.
Lisa
Yeah. Sure. When so, we first had our kids, we lived in Santa Barbara, and Kevin worked for Santa Barbara Police Department. And they're a little bit easier. He mostly for almost his entire career, he worked either swing shift or graveyards. But when we lived in town, it was a little easier. We just had the 2 girls at that time. So they were small, but because he didn't have any commute at all, he was like when he was done working, he was home. He could get some sleep and. I managed like taking the kids to the park or we did a lot of outdoor activities away from the house so it would be quiet for him while he was sleeping, but. Then. When we moved to Ventura County, we lived in Santa Paula for a while, and so after he would work graveyard shift and come home and then expect. Quiet while I was trying to homeschool. The. Kids, that was a little bit challenging as they're getting older, you know? So for me, when he switched to fire, it was much easier because he was just gone when he was gone. And then when he was back, hopefully he wasn't too exhausted, you know, but. We would have him for a more a bigger length of time without having to just. Be worried about waking him up.
Peter
All the time. I think I heard you say fire was. Better is that what you said? Yeah.
Jeremy
It's always that competition.
Lisa
This schedule, you know the schedule is better for sure. I think much easier to manage and he, you know the quality of life is a little better, like when they're working graveyards or night shift and being like out on the street all night long. And then coming home and needing to sleep you all the days that they're working three or four days in a row, you really don't have any interaction.
Speaker 5
Hi I'm Austin folk, an engineer with the Ventura City Fire Department. I'm also on the board of the Ventura Fire Foundation, an organization that supports firefighters and their families. The foundation produces this podcast as part of our mission, I worked with the foundation because I was witnessed to the help that it was able to provide to my family. The foundation needs your help. First, please subscribe and rate this podcast on your podcast platform. This helps us get a higher ranking and more visibility for the show. Second, if you support the podcast. And the foundation's work. Please consider donating. Every dollar helps us support firefighters and their. There's a link in the show notes, or you can donate through the website at www.venturafirefoundation.org. Thank you for listening.
Peter
Did you have? Because obviously I think when you're a cop, you're probably in a different mindset than when you're a fireman, cause you know you're dealing with criminals or, you know, people trying to do bad things to you. Did you see, like, a?
Lisa
Yes.
Peter
Shift in him when he left that and started working at the fire department or.
Lisa
Well, I saw a shift in him as time went on on the Police Department, for sure. Has he recovered? When he went to the fire? Maybe some he's still very cynical and jaded. I think from all that time dealing with the bad guys incessantly.
Peter
How well, how many years did he do at the Police Department?
Lisa
He was nine years on the PD.
Peter
OK. So a significant amount of time. What did the family life slash support as the spouse of a police officer look versus the spouse of a firefighter? Was any differences that? You noticed or.
Lisa
Well, I think that we were fortunate to not have to go through anything major when he was a police officer. So you know, my perspective from the support as a firefighter. Totally different. He had a really strong family bond with the guys that all went to the police Academy together. I think there were nine of them in the early years before we all had multiple children. We did a lot together and we stayed really close, but then kind of as time went on, I certainly knew if I need anything I could count on them. But everybody moved, you know, North County, South County, Ventura kind of all over and then got busy having, like, raising children and. Being spread apart was a little bit more challenging and maintaining those relationships.
Peter
Gotcha. Gotcha. Which is fair, I think that happens to everybody's progress.
Lisa
Yeah.
Jeremy
It is a crazy part. Of this job is you live with these people for so long and you're so close and so family tight and then life just happens and you know, you kind of not not go away, but they're always there. But it's just it's a weird dynamic.
Lisa
Yeah. And I think it's harder. I I know one of the things that Kevin was really looking forward to in the career in this type of career was the close family connections he had growing up. His dad was LA County firefighter and they had a strong group of family friends that worked together for years and years. But things were different. You know 40-50 years ago and most people could afford to live where they were working and starting. I think when we were young in our career, the cost of living in our area, Santa Barbara, Ventura County has become so difficult that many people make choices to. Move further away, especially because as a firefighter, you're depending on how your schedules are, you know, but with his department, the schedules 48 on 96 off, so it's easy to commute from a longer distance to be able to save a lot on housing, right? So people are just spread so far apart. It's harder to. Get the families together because it's a 2 hour or three hour drive to meet in the.
Peter
Middle. Yeah, I know at our department, like the guys who were living out in Santa Clarita, they would hang out more than the guys who are living here like that. That's a good point. I mean, it definitely disrupts that whole fire family thing a little bit.
Lisa
It's like a little cultural shift, you know, because they his dad's friends, they all lived kind of in that area where they worked. They were all in that same neighborhood.
Peter
Yeah. Well, Jeremy, you're a per example. You are commuting to Riverside from vents. Alright.
Jeremy
I was. I did that for quite a while and the drive never bothered me. But I never really had. I had these close, tight relationships, but when I go home I was home and you know, I never really went down there because I worked down there and then they never came up. So. But I lived with. These people for so long that we were so tight, but it just never bled over in a personal life.
Peter
Well, let's get into the kind of the reason why we're here. So we obviously we had a great conversation with Kevin. He kind of chronologically like Timelined out his journey with cancer and interesting enough Jeremy and I both were in your house delivering that bed years ago. And what's funny is. I went on your blog and I was trying to find on the blog when that happened and then I was like trying to anyway I.
Lisa
It would have been at the very beginning.
Peter
Couldn't figure it. Out but yeah, so anyway sorry, I'm just rambling, but yeah, so we started this conversation with Kevin. It was a great conversation. He talked about you guys quite a bit. And our foundations folks. Well, our mission is to take care of firefighters and their families, but what we're focusing on or trying to focus on is the families more so than the firefighters because the firefighters have a lot of support and it's not like we don't support firefighters. I don't want that message to. But we are just trying to support the families more because they, in our opinion, are a little underserved because all the attention goes to the fireman, for lack of a better term. I mean, it kind of is what it is, but we're trying to do something about that and we thought this was a good opportunity to go. OK, you know, obviously that was a terrible life changing thing that he went through. Then we start talking about you guys. And it was just kind of the natural progression. Well, let's talk to the family because there's things that other families can learn from, from what you guys went through because. Unfortunately, this isn't the only time this is going to happen, and there's families right now that are dealing with the same exact things that that you guys went through. So that's kind of how it started. I know Joe was kind enough to to send us the link to that blog that you had. I found myself the other day going through it like becoming like, extremely emotional. I'm like basically tearing up because I'm automatically. Putting myself in Kevin's shoes just because. Could be in any of us, right? So it was. It was heavy. It was. It was hard to read. And I think a lot of props to you for documenting it, because I'm sure that that would, I would imagine that by itself probably had a little therapeutic value for you, but kind of talk about that. What was that like? I mean, I don't know what I don't even know what that would be like from your perspective. So.
Speaker
No.
Peter
I'll just open it up to you and kind of let you run with it.
Lisa
Sure, I think that. Him, you know, immediately, with Kevin's diagnosis, it was. I'm a I'm an information gatherer researcher and I needed to like find every piece of information I possibly could about the specific type of cancer he had, what the treatments were helped, you know, to move forward and people's experiences like. You know, when he was originally diagnosed, it was late stage. These cancer markers are like, off the charts. You're you start looking at those things and like, the chance of survival was, you know, of a chance of five year survival was like 5 per. Right. So you're looking for any like tidbit of hope there is that somebody made it through the other side. So I had found someone else's blog where you know that had was hopeful, but mostly I I created the blog just because with. Being a part of the Police Department, the fire department, the you know, Kevin had already been as out as a Pio. I think so. His. He does a lot of training, he goes to lots of different events. He was on the association and whatever. So he had this huge network of people that were all asking and wanting to know wanting updates. And it's like there's gotta be a way, you know, to give that information without having it be texting 25,000 people, right? So it was first and foremost a way for me to just, like, spew out what? Was on my mind and ask for prayer and document what was happening and keep everybody else updated so that everybody could just look. Look at the blog. Don't ask me, don't talk to me. I don't. I I can't do personal conversation right now, but everything you need to know has been shared.
Peter
That's so you bring up a good point and we we struggle with this at the foundation when families. They're on the ropes, going through something. It's rare that we find the families want to just talk about it and like the more the merrier. Come on over. Let's commiserate and figure this out. That doesn't happen. What happens is what you just described is leave me alone. I know you guys are here to help, but just give me some space. And we never. Really. Honestly, we've never really talked about this on a podcast. What's your perspective? Because. Clearly, Kevin was loved. He had tons of relationships. Everybody wanted to know. Why would you not want people to, like, infiltrate your personal life and bombard you with questions and.
Lisa
Well, I don't think it's so much that you don't like for me, I have always. I've always been an oversharer so.
Peter
And all that.
Lisa
I I don't mind telling you what's happening. A lot of people like like to keep things tucked in. I I don't mind sharing and I'll say anything. It's more of a matter of you're, you're so consumed. And when you're going through it, like Kevin situation, I think was so different than a lot of peoples. But like for his first. I don't even know at least the first four. He was in the hospital the first round right away for several weeks, like a lot of people go in, they get a cancer diagnosis and then they make a plan for what's next, and then they go back and get treatment later. That didn't happen for him. So he went to the hospital. He didn't get. Come home, he had to have surgery immediately. He you know. And and and then immediately chemotherapy and his mind was like just not completely there and conversations were difficult. And as the spouse, I'm just like what first of all, I have three small children. What am I doing with them for them? How are they being cared for? My husband might die. How am I? Yeah, be there for him. Like I was working part time at the time. So am I going to work tomorrow? Am I quitting my job? Am I taking it like you know, all those things? You're just it's big and there's just not energy. Like it was fine. All the guys that came to visit Kevin. Great. Go in there. Talk to him. When he was available. That was wonderful. But like I was in the business of managing my household, still my people figuring out, you know, is there toilet paper in the house who's going to go buy that for me? Like, how are we going to get all these things handled?
Jeremy
I feel like for the foundation we have to like, take the families door down, if you will, to like, hey, we're here. Help, but at the same time not offend you. And is there any word of advice for families of, like, please let them feed you. Let them buy toilet paper for you because that's the most difficult thing we have is every time you go to family like we're good, we're good and just basically leave me alone, which I understand. And we are at the same time like, hey, we really, really, really want to help.
Lisa
Yeah.
Jeremy
But you won't let us. And do you have any advice for people?
Lisa
Yeah, I well, I mean, I I was super happy and grateful for everything that I mean you got. You were a stranger to me. And I specifically remember you coming by and helping us many times so. That was extremely appreciated and yeah, so I just think we have we have to take the help. There's no reason why anybody should just carry the whole burden like you're part of the community. And as a fire family, you have a bigger community than you realize because it extends beyond, you know. Uniform that are similar and people carrying the same badge are working for the same agency. But also I think that's part of like raising three kids with, you know, a husband that's gone for two or three or four days at a time. You you have like, I could have never taken them. To soccer practice, if I had to do it by myself, so I learned to rely on community and ask for help. Like there's to another child that my daughter gets along with on the soccer team. I'm asking you if you can pick her up tomorrow. Like it's OK, you know, and I think societally we've have become so much more separated. It's more difficult to for people to connect and people don't ask for help as much as they could, and I just always decided it was. Like I don't want to make my life harder or impossible, so yeah.
Peter
I've got a a comment or question really like I I cause I think back to my own family like I think our spouses are so good at surviving without us, right. Like they know how to hold the Fort down when we're gone and. They get really good. At it, yeah. Through because they have to and they don't have a choice. Unfortunately, I think that when when bad things happen, they're like, that's the mode they're in. Like, I take care of this family. I got this, and then you have all these people saying, hey, no, let us help. Let us do this. Let us do that. When the reality is they're not trying to help. When it's when it's hard all the time.
Speaker
Got this.
Peter
Just. Because they're all in the same right? So. I I see that I see that and there's probably something to be learned from the foundation on like how to reach people and and offer help, you know effectively.
Lisa
I think it might also, I think it also might depend on like what the severity of the situation is like is, is the person who's needing help, are they able to do anything on their own, are they? You know, or are they really incapacitated? So for when we were going through it, Kevin was really incapacitated and he needed somebody to be there to care for him, to make sure he could get to the restaurant. Like. All the things that he couldn't be left alone, right for a lot of his treatment. So. So it was done. Like it was dire, I had no choice, right? I was gonna take help no matter what. But also again my personality. I I have already always, you know, been a little bit more willing to reach out and ask for assistance.
Speaker
Yeah.
Lisa
Then when I needed it.
Speaker
Brie, what was this?
Peter
Like for you. How old were you when? Your dad was diagnosed.
Bri
14 turning 15 Yeah, Cause I learned to drive that.
Lisa
Yeah, it's 10 years ago.
Bri
Year I was. 14 yeah.
Peter
What? What? What was that like? I mean, obviously, it was terrible, clearly.
Bri
Oh my God. It was awful. It was crazy. I mean, I I knew something was wrong before. Before it happened. Like, I think it was like a birthday dinner that we were going to on like a Friday night. OK. And he had had, like, some doctor's appointment. And if you put it on the cart and was like, we're going to go pick up your dad and. I was like. That's freaking weird. What? Whatever. So we go in the parking lot and, like, doesn't say anything. We're just saying that she gets out of the car and we see her go over to his. Car and like. He's he's a wreck, he's crying and and mind you, I've never seen this man cry. I don't think in my life up to this point. I don't think I had ever seen him cry in that moment. I was like he has cancer. I don't think I verbalized it. I don't think I said it out loud. But like I knew I was like you. You don't act like this unless it's like something is. Wrong, and that was the only thing I could think of. And so that's Friday night. Nobody says a word. We get in the car. We don't talk about it. We go to dinner, we don't talk about it with the family we were with. We go back home Saturday, whatever. Early, early, early Sunday morning, like the Sun hadn't even come up yet. Mom comes into my room and she's like your dad's back. Really hurts. I'm taking him to the hospital. Somebody's going to come pick you up and take you to church and you're going to hang out with this person. For the day. It's like one of our youth leaders and I was like, OK, there's no other way this day is. Ending. Except in like something really bad. So we go to church, and then we're hanging out for a couple hours after church, and then we finally get the OK. You can bring the kids to the hospital. And that like that was just, I don't think I'll ever forget that day. Like I I still remember exactly what I was wearing that day. It's just one of those things that you just don't forget. And he's sitting there in the bed and he has like, all the wires hooked up to him and like the oxygen tube on his face. And I was like ohh. Oh, it's that kind of like. That's just crazy, you know, to see a family member like that, like, much less your dad. And he's like, had obviously been crying and. There's all these. Extended family like there's there was just so many people there already. I don't know what they said, but they like explained what was going on then that he had cancer and then. It was really bad and that was like, obviously I cried a lot and like it was. Just a crazy, insane day and we go home and get up and go to school the next day.
Peter
Wow, that's wild. Yeah, I can't imagine. Did you know that firemen get cancer more than regular people? At that age or.
Bri
UMI don't think that that fact surprised me like. The math maths, it makes sense, right?
Peter
Yeah. Well, I mean, it's obvious and I feel like firemen definitely know it. And I don't know, like, I would never tell my tell my.
Bri
Yeah. Well, and the crazy thing too is, like I remember, like Courtney and I were freshmen in high school. We were in, like, freshman biology class. And I know that that month, like, literally that week, we were talking about, like, cancer biology and then we. Were like, Oh my God, this is.
Speaker
What?
Peter
Did you guys ever blame the fire service or have any resentment towards the fire service? I I'm speaking from like experience here. I feel like I would if I was in those if that was.
Bri
No.
Peter
Me. Did that ever come into the? Thought process at all or.
Bri
I don't think so. I don't know if it, like, would have been something like if this experience were to happen today at the age I am today, I think I probably would have felt resentment, but I was so young, like I I wasn't. UM. No, that wasn't even like on my radar, really.
Peter
How about? How about you, Lisa?
Lisa
Yeah, I don't think I felt that way.
Peter
OK. Well, you guys are more.
Lisa
Positive than me? Maybe. Maybe I should.
Bri
It was, it was. It was.
Lisa
Maybe I should.
Bri
It was also just like such a a hugely like, heavy and weighty, like, you know, she was like, like my mom said, what, like, five year survival rate? It was like 5% at best guesstimate. Like there were times like I remember. There were times it was bad. We got called to the ICU in the middle of the night one time, like say goodbye. This is and then and then ten years later, like. Oh, it's fine. He's perfectly OK like.
Jeremy
Yeah, I told Kevin. He's a pretty big inspiration to all of us, you know, because I think he had such a big impact for Pete and I to drop off that bed. And I don't remember if we even. Talked on the. Way home like it was just gnarly for us to, you know, drop off a bed that we. Thought potentially is going to. Be in this living room and it was it was pretty impactful and you know we. We did a small sliver of what you guys went through. One thing I do remember, Bree, you impacted all of us when you shaved your head, you know?
Bri
That was not me. That was Courtney.
Jeremy
Oh, I'm sorry. Courtney did so Courtney did wrong. Wrong sister. What was the thought with that on her and how?
Bri
Yeah, so I am happy to to clear this up on her behalf, she said. So Saint Baldrick's day was always an event that was happening in March. I think it happened maybe once at our school, every four years they came in. So it just so happened that our freshman year was like that. The one time, OK. And she had long hair.
Jeremy
She got there.
Bri
Like down to her past her waist. And months before any of this ever happened, she was like I'm I think I'm going to do Baldrick day. I think I'm going to do it. So she had signed up. She it was like a fundraiser thing. It just so happened that literally, like what? I think it was that Friday mom. Or was it the next week. But I I think he got diagnosed on Sunday. And I think it the school event was that Friday. And so it just so happened that five days before this event that we get this huge like. World shattering like news for our family that also spreads very quickly. And so her fundraiser ended up raising like couple 10s of thousands of dollars. I think it raised a lot of money in those like last five days before the event and everyone thinks that she did it because he got sick and. As much as it was a very special moment for her to come in and her to have a bald head and him to have a bald head which he was bald in the 1st place anyways, no shape. There's no there's nothing wrong with being bald, but as long as I have known that man, he has been bald. And and then my brother shaved his head like a week or two later, which was also crazy because Courtney and Blake. Were like twins. Their faces looked so similar, and so when they both had no hair, it was crazy. Like being around the two of them.
Peter
How did it? How did all this change you guys? Like what? Yeah. How did this change? What? Obviously this I'm assuming it changed a lot, but what does that does that? Look.
Bri
Like, yeah, I mean, I'm just in my experience like. I think it cut my childhood in half like. You I just had to learn to. Grow up and. Be more independent. As much as we had so much support from the Community and everything like. There was just still so much that my mom couldn't be in five places at once. You know, once once you got into the second-half of Dade treatment, he was down at USC. I thank God because it was so effective, but that's really far away from Ventura and he had to be there for weeks at a time while we were going to school. I had a zero period class, so we would like. I remember my siblings and I would go to different family friends houses and they would cook us dinner and we would do our homework and hang out with our friends and stuff and. Usually Courtney and Blake would sleep over at their houses, but I had this like show choir class at Ventura High School that met at 6:15 AM, so I then would get dropped back off at our house and I would sleep there. And feed the dogs. Take care of everything. And then I would get a ride share. Like I I would get picked up by another girl and in our neighborhood like she lived around the block from us and she would take me to that. Zero period class. So it was like it was just growing up really fast and like gotcha, gotcha.
Peter
How about you, Lisa? I would imagine. This had some big impacts, obviously.
Lisa
I mean it just, I guess, taught me to, you know, strong perseverance. We just, I kept my head forward and just continued doing whatever needed to happen next and just hope for the best there was, you know, a lot of guilt for Brianna having to stay at home. Yourself and my other kids being with. Some were close family friends, but some were more like acquaintances that happened to go to the same school or be on the same baseball team, or the relationships wouldn't be that that I would have said. Here, take my kids for three weeks, but yet they did so. UM. You know, I also had we have family that came with that all of our family is kind of far away. So my mom and I grew up on the East Coast. So my mom still out there. But, you know, she came for a period, so the kids could be. My aunt came for a while. My husband's parents were living, I think. Were they here and I know they might have.
Bri
Been here. I think we were here still.
Lisa
During that time.
Bri
I know. Grandma was working in Ventura at that.
Lisa
OK, so yeah, my in-laws lived in Camarillo, but they also had a a child the same age as. Brianna. Also, Kevin's dad, so they have their own. Family working child raising business. You know as well, yeah.
Peter
Your dad strikes me as and I don't know him very well personally. Obviously different departments were were were he strikes me as a guy. Who was? Like in charge, like there for his family. Like kind of that alpha role 21. Is that accurate or is that how he is or no? Brianna, that was a loaded question.
Bri
It definitely has an alpha personality. If you were to ask me at any different point in my life who was running our household and our. Family it would. My mom.
Peter
It wouldn't be here. OK, got you cause my next cause. My next question was he obviously got taken out, right? He was out of the game for.
Bri
A long time, yeah.
Peter
That's actually a better question. How long was he like just completely sidelined fighting for his life? To where how long did that, Lisa? How long did that last was? That.
Lisa
So.
Peter
Two year a year, two years.
Lisa
So it was one, it was one full year and in that year he was hospitalized over 100 days. So out of you know, 1/3 of the time he was in the hospital and then the other. 2/3 he was recovering so he had three rounds of chemotherapy that lasted one week. I don't know. I'd have to refer back to my memory, which is in the blog that.
Bri
I think I think it was like one week of the chemo treatment and then it two a week to recover in hospital and then you could go home for like 5 days, seven days.
Lisa
Two weeks to recover. That that was when he was at USC. So when he had the stem cell transplant, he had to go through that three times. And when he was. Down there, it was like, you know, they take you to the brink of death and then allow you to come back to life with the way the chemotherapy is for that. It's. Horrible and I would not recommend it to anyone.
Peter
So he was so he was out, down and out for a solid. Here. What? What what that look like like. Obviously he's a fighter and he he he pulled through it, which is amazing, but what did that? What did that look like on his way back? Like, when did you get to feel like you had him back like there was, like, this was going to happen? Like, we weren't going to lose him. He's back in the family. Like, what? That that to me like, see. Is insane. Like what that would feel like like ohh, I'm coming back to my family now. I think I'm going to live like I don't know how. How I would even process that.
Speaker
Yeah.
Lisa
So I think he, you know, he started, he had several rounds of chemotherapy here in Ventura and then at that time they then watch and see how everything's responding. And he had a very large tumor that was going to need a a huge, huge surgery. But they couldn't do the surgery until they knew the cancer was gone and after the chemotherapy is done being administered to your body, it still continues to work and kill off the cancer for a period of time after, right? So it was watch and wait watch and wait. Get blood tests, get blood tests and and during that time he's getting stronger and getting stronger and feeling better and able to do things. Participate in life a little bit. And so we're you. Rehabbing walking, trying to be healthy and strong, and then the then instead of the numbers trending down, they started to trend back up. So then that was when he had to go to the next thing right and and. So that's like you, you think maybe everything's. Gonna be OK, but Nah, not really sure. And then definitely it's not good. Then then after the the stem cell transplant, I think you know, I don't know if there was. Like any specific sign other than his numbers, we're doing good as he gets stronger, we start doing more things and getting him back like I think at some point you have to. You can't really think about it, right? And you just are like, you're doing the treatment, you're doing the thing you're hoping for the best and. You gotta assume it's going to work and you just take the next day to do the next thing. And as he's stronger, he's he's feeling better. We're doing the next thing.
Peter
Gotcha.
Lisa
Yeah. So I don't know. For me, I was a little bit more cautious, I think at the end of his last.
Speaker
What?
Lisa
Treatment and his numbers looking good and you know they ring the bell and. There's like, whoo. And I'm like, I don't think I'm ready to celebrate just yet. But you know, let's let's wait for that celebration a little bit longer.
Speaker
Hmm.
Peter
When did, when did you finally celebrate, or what would that look like?
Lisa
Well, I think probably after his like first year of. Repeat visits that continued to show that there was no cancer returning.
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah.
Jeremy
So Kevin's doing an awesome thing right now for Cancer Support. You know, he's reaching out and what kind of support did you guys have besides, you know, people think, carry your kids, but someone to bounce off of? Did you guys bounce off each other? I'm sure you didn't go on it, Kevin, like this. Sucks. I can't believe we're in here.
Lisa
Yeah, you know, we we had been involved with Cancer Support network before. Kevin had cancer. I don't know if you realized that, but.
Jeremy
You know. I did not.
Lisa
Yeah, somehow, you know, through the association, his association. They they always withstand two people. If they wanted to go to the fundraiser. So Kevin and I had gone to that actually for a few years and so.
Bri
We got a dog time.
Lisa
We. We did.
Jeremy
That's right. I apologize. Kevin did tell. Me that I apologize.
Lisa
Yeah. So, so we had already been involved in that, that. One of the things you know, so I'm also a mentor with them these days, but it's really challenging. People will want want help, but then they. Like, they'll reach out one time, but then it's really hard to connect and I find on the mentor side it also difficult to know like I felt when we were on the receiving end of of help or mentorship, that the people that reached out to us. Reached out when Kevin like. Wasn't really able to communicate and didn't really like. He was really mentally out of it for a bit and. And then it just kind of got lost in the shuffle a little, you know. And so I think that sometimes when you get like the first diagnosis, you're like, yes, send me all the resources and then you get overwhelmed or then you're not in a mental physical or mental space where you can handle it. And so my advice just on both sides as the people reaching out and the people receiving is. To not be worried about over communicating like. Reaching out too many times just because they didn't respond to you doesn't mean they actually don't want to talk to you. But. Your message might have got buried under 500 others and they might have just not been in the space this week. But like, try again, try again. You know, don't give. Up too soon?
Jeremy
How about you, bro? Do you have any friends or did you just? How did you?
Bri
Oh yeah, I had.
Jeremy
Deal with the stress.
Bri
Great friends. I don't. I don't even think I really like, talked about it that much with. With friends, it was just sort of like.
Lisa
You had a good group though. With your band from church.
Speaker
Yeah.
Lisa
That, I think helped crush us a little bit.
Bri
I was really involved in, like my churches, youth group and music ministry and stuff, so that was keeping me busy. A lot of like honors and AP classes was keeping me busy. The fall of my sophomore year, when Dad was getting treatment at USC with the stem cell rescue. Like regiments and things I started, that was the first year that Foothill high school ever had its own sports teams, so I didn't. I had never played volleyball before, and I was playing on the volleyball team, learning something new and making new friends just like. I don't know. I think my way of like getting through it was just staying so busy that I didn't really have time to think about it. And you know, it kept me out of, like, other, more destructive ways of coping. But it's definitely been something that I. I never talked about it enough at the time and have still been like. Like in the. Last. Year and a half or so I've been doing. Just some more reflection on that time of my life, like and processing and doing a lot of that through like making art and writing music and stuff, which has been really helpful. UM.
Peter
What was it like growing up? Take the cancer piece out of it. What was it like growing up with a? A firefighter as a dad, did you think much about that? When you're a kid or?
Bri
I don't think I thought much about it, but like growing up like, but like in retrospect, I'm like, whoa, like, what did other families experience where like? Both like both. Both parents like work while you're in school and then come home for dinner. And like, you know, I I don't know. It was there was the days that dad wasn't home. And then there was make sure you clean up all the dishes in the kitchen before Dad's coming home. Tomorrow morning. Or somebody's gonna be in trouble.
Peter
Funny you bring that up the the only other family we had on the fire department specifically talked about making sure the dishes were done before Dad comes home.
Lisa
Not that we let them pile up like you.
Bri
No, no.
Peter
All it takes is 1 little thing out of out of out of place.
Lisa
Even if it's one spoon, one spoon in the. Sink life is tragic.
Jeremy
How about holidays and all that Christmas? I mean, I'm sure you missing some holidays. Did that even?
Bri
I think I.
Jeremy
Affect you or?
Bri
Think there was always like a really like, good job done of like if you know the days, the times that he had to work on Christmas like we would have our Christmas on Christmas Eve or like he would get to. Like trade relief time or something to get to go in late or he would come home late on Christmas if he was working Christmas Eve. So like then I don't think there was much of a consistency in terms of like how exactly every single year was was celebrated through the holidays because. But but there was like. I don't really think we ever had to miss any.
Speaker
Kristen.
Peter
Yeah. Did you have? Did you? Were you friends with any of his firefighters? Kids.
Bri
I don't think I knew any of the families like I knew the guys. I remember knowing, like the the people that he worked with because we've come visit at the station.
Peter
But not yeah.
Bri
Sometimes or whatever. But.
Peter
But not the kids. Do you think it'd be helpful if if there was like, a A? I don't know support like other kids doing the same things, dealing with the same things you were dealing with or.
Bri
Oh, gosh. I mean, yeah, I think. I think.
Peter
It's kind of a weird time and you know you're trying to figure out who you are still, so that would.
Bri
Yeah, I don't know. I think in, in the society that has become more and more and more and more isolated, like being intentional about creating community like in any space is really important. And then that would definitely be helpful. I think it just like. It's just suspense, especially when you're trying to like do community with like kids. It like how I don't know.
Peter
Yeah, I think it would be challenging, but I think. It could be helpful too.
Bri
Yeah, absolutely. Like it's. But like as a 14 year old like being presented with the fact that like your dad is probably dying and not probably like at the time it was like. He is most certainly not well. It's things are not looking good like I think it would have been. Incredibly helpful to like be able to talk to other people closer to my age or that had gone through something like that at a similar age. I like so helpful.
Lisa
More about going through.
Bri
People to talk to other people that are going through the same things. There's so much of the unique experience that has to be understood through the lens of how old you are when something's happening it like, especially when you're a kid, like developmentally and and stuff and yeah.
Lisa
Oh, I was just gonna say like I feel. Like what Brianna's touching on is kind of the same. Like, it's more relevant to have a community of 14 year olds that have dealt with a parent with cancer versus 14 year olds that also have. Fire families.
Peter
What are some things that would have made it a little bit better? Like what? What types of things that if the people around you could have done or if maybe somebody could have understand, you know, understood where you were coming from? On a particular. Thing like what? What, what can you what? What can? You share that can help someone else. That's hopefully never goes through this, but inevitably will.
Lisa
When you're going through it, reaching out and being able to have a community of someone who has experience with going through anything difficult doesn't have to be the same thing, but somebody who's who's has it has experience. Going through something really, really hard, but also my other just little tidbit piece of advice is not to be afraid literally to ask for anything at all. If you know whatever you need and the great thing in my opinion about the fire department was, you know, as we talked about you guys. We're all living so distant from where people are actually working, so having people that served in the community where we were living, that were willing to step up and help us even though we weren't from the same department. Was that that was epic, like it was life changing, really, and made our experience. Just so much easier than it otherwise might have been. And so we're really forever grateful for for that, even I was looking back because it's been the 10 year anniversary, so photos come up in my feed. And like when Courtney did the head shaving, Kevin couldn't be there and. There must have been. I don't know 40 or 50 firefighters from that event. It was like they hijacked the whole event and they they were just all there. People we've never met before. I I don't know who they are.
Bri
So many he. Unbelievable.
Peter
I was just looking at that photo from our department, but obviously was in town, yeah.
Lisa
You know like that.
Jeremy
One thing I was telling Kevin on our podcast was, you know, if if you have a daughter in empty and white that's sick. That's our daughter and the fire service. And I think people really don't realize what a big family you have until you you need a family and they just don't realize it. And unfortunately, you see it when it.
Lisa
And that looks like, you know, kind of a strange event. It wasn't necessarily tied to Kevin, but like.
Jeremy
When it happens.
Lisa
Just the idea that he couldn't be there for this thing. That was pretty courageous, for she was 13 at the time. You know, when you're 13, as a girl, you're just coming in to like your insecurities about who you are and how you look. And she she was, you know. Shaving away every literally completely bald her head. And that was just a a kind of a big deal. And to have 50 dads show up, like in replacement, I'll stand in for your dad. I'll stand in for your dad. Here I am. I'll stand in for your dad. It was amazing.
Peter
Yeah, I want to I. Want to say one thing on what you said right before that you said? Don't don't be afraid to to to ask for help. Like just ask for help and and then in my mind that is. It's like a very selfless thing to do. Like you don't realize that by asking for help, you're actually helping the people around you who want to help, right? Because when? Because arguably you guys took the brunt of you and Kevin took the brunt of how terrible the situation was. And I don't want to take away from that by any means, but. All the guys that he worked with other people in your lives also had to deal with some stuff. I don't think at the same level you guys did and that's not what I'm saying. But by saying, hey, yeah, I need some help. You're almost like helping.
Lisa
Right. Because everybody wants to do something, you know? And and I mean, your profession is helping people. So you guys all want to be helpers by.
Peter
Those. People, you're helping them contribute. Yeah.
Lisa
By your nature or you wouldn't be in the career that you've chosen, and so you know that it makes you feel good helping others, right. And so sometimes you just gotta be the receiver and it's OK.
Peter
Yeah. Yeah. Well said. Yeah. Well, I think it's probably about that time. Jeremy, any, anything you want to add or touch on?
Jeremy
No, it was good talking to you guys. I think Lisa shout out from Kevin to you on what a Rock You were. And obviously Brie and all the the family helped him through it, but at least I think you were really. You know, solid through all the difficult decisions you had to make and you know, even giving your kids away to. Not strangers, but you know what I mean. It it was a heavy burden and you know, hats off to you because it was a lot on you.
Speaker
Yeah.
Bri
1st. As much as we never really talked about it much while it was going on like you know like. You were just such a hero to my my young self and still are to me now, but like. Yeah, I like, I'll never forget. Sorry, Oh my gosh. One time she surprised me at a like, a volleyball game I like. I didn't she dad was getting that treatment down in USC, and she was gone. And it was like, there's no way I can make it. And she, like, shows up at the game. I just remember feeling so relieved. Because I just wanted any sense of like. Normalcy and security and to not have to like be so in charge of my life. Like imagine like being. Home alone as frequently as I was, like spending the night. As a 14 and 15 year, I couldn't even drive. I I had no like autonomy. I I couldn't. Like. I wasn't helpless. I could. Get like I could feed myself and I could, like, do the things that I was supposed to do. But like I could. I was also just so young and like. Old enough to feel like, oh, you're a young adult like but. And to be perceived that way of like, oh, like she's she's fine. She can take care of herself. But, like, no. Yeah. So. Anyways, love you mum.
Peter
That was that was that was awesome. That was nice. Yeah. I think you. I mean, you look like you're killing it. And obviously you had a lot of adversity and arguably probably the worst possible time, you know, awkward teenage years. I know from experience. I've got two at home right now, but. Brie, I feel like I'm excited for what you're doing. You're not even my daughter. But let's let's what can we do? What can we do to expand the fire department communities? Exposure to what you're doing out there? I know you have a song that we were. We was on our thing. So do you want? To give a plug or somebody. Look at what you're doing music wise. Or what does that look like? If that's helpful. If it's not, no worries, but I would imagine it probably is.
Bri
Yeah. I mean, I think the oh gosh, so like, I'm started writing. Like getting back into to songwriting like a little over a year ago and have been just like a lot of that has been reflective on like different big moments in my life. So naturally, like, there's at least a couple songs that are about this turbulent time and and and yeah, I posted one of them. UM and tagged Kevin and my dad in it on the. 10 year anniversary. Of his his diagnosis.
Peter
Awesome. Awesome. Well, Lisa Brie, thank you so much for sharing. I know it was probably not the easiest thing to do, but I think. It does make a difference. And of other families that are going to go through this, and I applaud that, Lisa, you're doing the mentorship thing like that. That's awesome as well. So yeah.
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
Jeremy
Thank you both for sharing your stories and you never know who you're going to impact on these podcasts.
Lisa
You guys are doing good.
Speaker
Yeah.
Lisa
Work. Yeah, we appreciate you.
Speaker
It. Thank. Thank you. You.
Peter
Jeremy. Wow, that was a. That was it was awesome to see how strong they were. I don't know that I don't know what that I don't know if I could have gone through that, hopefully not on what I don't. But like they handled it like like rocks.
Speaker
Yeah.
Jeremy
Even all the way down to, you know, Brie, I mean, she she handled it and you know, it just shows how strong they are as a family to endure through something like that.
Peter
It shows how capable they are like 1415, spending the night at home at the house, feeding the dogs, taking care of all that stuff, while dad's down in LA like that was amazing. Like crazy, yeah.
Jeremy
Yeah, that's such a pivotal time in their life too. And just just how strong they are to, you know, just just move forward and and you know. When everything's pointing towards, I could just curl up in a ball and not do anything they. Just kept moving forward.
Peter
Yeah, I thought. I thought there was a lot to be learned from the foundation perspective on, like in the minds of somebody who's going through something terrible and like what that looks like as far as everyone trying to help because, you know, as we talked about in the show, we have that. Struggle like we want to help. A lot of times people don't want help and then it's good to know like kind of what's going on behind the scenes. And. What that offer of help is how it's viewed. And. Basically what I learned is just keep offering and if they don't respond, it doesn't mean anything it.
Speaker 5
Yes.
Peter
Just means keep offering and. So it was interesting for sure.
Jeremy
Yeah, it was good. Their perspective on everything.
Peter
Yeah. Well, thank you for coming. Coming back for a second round. We'll get you back for #3 here shortly, I'm sure.
Speaker
Yeah.
Jeremy
I think JK's coming back. So.
Speaker
There's a big piece.
Peter
Of well, hey, if you guys like what we're doing, please. Leave us a review. Share the show if you know. I mean, hopefully you don't, but if you know a fire family that's going through a bout with cancer, like, get this to them like this is pretty relevant to to them. And I guarantee you Lisa or Kevin would be 100% open to to helping and talking and they're both mentors for the cancer. Support network. So yeah, until next time. Have a good one.
Jeremy
Thank you guys.
